For the first time in most of our lifetimes, Jews in the United States are experiencing palpable fear about their identity, compounded by shock about how their fear has been dismissed (or worse, stoked) by some of those they considered friends. Now they are re-evaluating those friendships.

It’s been a frequent theme of my phone calls and emails this past week. There was the student who normally attends the pro-Palestinian rallies who told me she really believes in the movement. But this time, she didn’t go. Her pro-peace Israeli friends, the very ones who inspired her political stance, had their family members killed and taken hostage into Gaza. All while her “pro-peace” friends at school are chanting pro-Hamas slogans. She's re-evaluating her friendships.

Then there was the alumna who told me her close friends who sit on the board of her child’s school have asked her to please not discuss antisemitism, because it is evoking too much argumentation in the classroom. And that's even after a classmate said: “Kill all the Jews!” She’s re-evaluating her friendships, and her children’s friendships.

Worst of all was hearing from more than one alumnus that their children asked them to please take down their mezuzah so their friends won’t know they are Jewish. 

Our students and alumni have been deeply rattled by the modern day pogrom that was October 7th. But some of their friends...haven't. It’s to be expected that not everyone will always support Israel, and these friends have the full right to disagree about how Israel is handling the war or its policies in general. But what stings is how these “friends” despite knowing how much Jewish classmates are hurting, simply cannot bring themselves to condemn Hamas, its stated goal of murdering every Jew in Israel and the world, or even the atrocities it committed.

Some of them are just zombies, regurgitating the memes their pro-Hamas friends are sharing without a full understanding of the issues. The others? Their support of Hamas sadly has to mean they have Jew hatred deeply rooted within themselves. And that's a red line when it comes to friendships.

But we Jews are a hopeful people by nature, and I do see a silver lining:

One of the main reasons JGO works exclusively with grad students is because they are at a point in their lives where they are re-evaluating everything. What are my priorities? My goals and values? Part of that process includes determining to what extent they or their future kids will engage with their Judaism, or even just identify with being Jewish. Some of my greatest joys in my life have been seeing alumni years later getting their own kids involved in something Jewish.

The same way I’ve witnessed so many grad students over the years re-evaluate their Judaism and make it an integral part of their lives, I believe we have a similar opportunity now at this moment of reckoning. It’s easier to build a strong community when you know who your real friends are. It’s easier to affirm your identity when others won’t let you hide it. It’s easier to stand up for your values when haters show their true colors.

JGO will continue seizing this moment of re-evaluation for our students – not just to fight antisemitism, but to strengthen their bonds with one another, promote pride in their identity, and get them to think about being Jewish in a new and inspiring way.